Even the most encouraging of encouragers sometimes goes rogue when needing to coach themselves. Most of the time the person who needs our advice/help/motivation/encouragement the most is the person looking wearily at us in the mirror.
Once upon a time I coached people, mostly women, of all walks of life and seasons of womanhood to better health. Woman after woman, I poured as much as I could to get them to believe in themselves. You can lead a horse to water, right…
The conversation with each of these women usually started out that they were tired of being so tired, and knew if they made lifestyle changes, they would feel better and in turn, most likely, look better. They never knew what the results would look or feel like. They just knew… if I change the way I eat, something is bound to happen. Hope pulled them into initiating the process.
Its typically a “line in the sand” moment for all of us. The “something’s gotta change around here” moment. We’ve all been there with something. Whether or not we succeeded in staying consistent with the process we used to get us out of our holes, we learned a thing or two about ourselves. We gained wisdom. That is worth it. I’d say… if you gained a new perspective, it’s a success.
The pain felt by remaining the same, doing what we’ve always done and getting that same result over and over, usually does not outweigh the pleasures of changing, attaining different results in your life.
However unknown those results would be.
We know what it feels like to remain unchanged, we’re living it, let’s see what happens when we stop a behavior, do something different and challenge our personal status quo.
One of my favorite quotes from Elizabeth Gilbert is, “I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting sick of their own bullshit.”
We sulk, then we get tired of the sound of our own tears and we get up and kick ass.
It’s almost always a “me vs me” moment.
I was listening to a live business conference broadcast on Facebook and realized how true it was of just my life. We must be flexible in our lives, just as we are in business. Whatever business we are in. Why?
People. People are ever-evolving.
Our circumstances influence our wisdom and emotions and insights and perceptions of the world. And those… well, they are constantly changing.
The most successful people in business (& I believe, too, in life), are the ones who pay attention to these patterns and trends, and when it’s time to make a change… they pivot.
Jessep and I have both gone through our own versions of bullshit stories, getting sick of them, and pivoting. His, with alcohol addiction and the consequences of living that lifestyle. Mine, postpartum weight gain and the self-image saga of being a new, young mother living in our “picture-perfect” age of social media but also, I’d add… not permitting the death of my husband to drag me down into the valley of Screwitville.
We got tired of knowing there was better and we weren’t living it …yet. That’s all.
First step in fixing our problems, not just the symptoms, is getting real with yourself and admitting… I’m rewriting this ending. Plot twist!
Well, I have recently been participating in negative self-talk.
This new relationship has brought up things I did not think I would take up issue with at this juncture, and reintroducing me to old insecurities I held even with Shayne.
Do I want to do what I have always done about them, or a different approach……..to get a different result?
It makes me realize, I am still me… and bring all my “me” to the table whether I am with Shayne or Jessep. I, really, have all the work to do on and inside of myself.
Of course I want a different result. I know better, so I need to do better.
I have had an on-going infection in my eyes and been battling it FOR MONTHS, intermittently, looking like a puffy-eyed Walking Dead zombie.
I can tuck it in, but if I was honest, it’s taken a little notch off my self-esteem, even though I can come across as the most confident baldy in the room. Its not entirely the case all day, every day. My face goes fifty shades of marinara real quick caught in a situation I wasn’t prepared for. Ask Jessep.
But that’s social for you.
As vulnerable as I am and want to be and don’t mind one bit being, I still can’t portray it all.
We can take comfort in all this knowing, no one is as confident or glossy or toothy as they appear to be. And the truth is, we all have rainy days, crooked backstories and ugliness we hide and keep filtered. It’s all good. I have plenty to hide about.
Whether you celebrate your cracks and imperfections or you’re a stream of highlight reel, we are all just doing our best with what we have and who we are.
The majority puts their best selfies forward.
As much as I know in my gut, aesthetics is all trivial in the grand scheme of life, I get human about it, too. My hair, my bloated belly, my teeth, my puffy, swollen eyes, my awkwardness on video. I can get really out of bounds in my self-talk about it.
And wish someone would come save me.
But that’s a crock. No one saves you from yourself. You decide.
So, I will take my moment. And have my tantrum about my irritated eyes while these prescribed drops kick in. And all the while think there’s no way Jessep can handle one more day of being with me, the bald and bloated swamp thing.
Tough love is good for my soul, and he said to me, “Tell whatever is going on in your brain to shut the f*$k up.” Noted.
I will take my moment and sulk and temporarily resort to old habits that momentarily make me feel good but I know aren’t getting me closer to feeling great about me 6 months from now. And then, pivot.
I know in my heart of hearts I am a pivoter. I love the ebb and flow. I know what it takes to make big changes, quickly.
I know what its like to transform my mindset and health and life in the matter of months. And I know all it takes is a split second decision to choose the joy of the unknown, staying curious, and letting the joy in not knowing what’s to come guide. Possibility.
And choosing that joy over and over and over, one day, one choice at a time.
And before you know it, you’ve transformed your life as you knew it.
If you’re like me and in a simmering season of tuning in to what your mind and body are asking for, make this time different. Have the wisdom to sit still and listen. Knowing, you won’t be here forever.
We are all in a constant, evolving season of becoming. Becoming who we are meant to be.
All of this is valuable information on our journeys to becoming better.