Daddy Jessep

If you haven’t followed our story closely or don’t know us personally and how we came to be together… it’s out of a whole lot of loss that we now love.

We don’t typically get on the megaphone about HOW our circumstances brought us together and the insurmountable pain we have all endured the last 2 years, we want to focus on the good. The now. The love. The JOY. Because there is so much of it now. And for so long, and for so many moments, we felt hopeless.

Just one year ago, February 2017, I was 10 months a widow with a 4 and 3 year old.
And felt like I had crawled to get to that point. Crawled. One. Slow. Sloth. Movement. After. The. Other. There had been so many changes in my life up to that point and I still felt so empty, extremely physically and mentally exhausted, like I was constantly treading violent water.

I had had a moment with my girls at Chick Fil A, exactly one year ago, one of the personnel had given me a flyer and invited me to join them later in the month for a Daddy/Daughter Date Night.
I just about unraveled.
I felt that hot heat of pain swell in the pit of my stomach and I wanted to throw up and yell at her.
I knew. I knew she had no idea I was there alone and would go home alone and bathe these little ladies alone and put them to bed alone and fix their lunches alone and open up a bottle of wine alone and watch Netflix alone and after I caught my buzz alone, pull the sheets over my head alone and wish I was in a different life alone.
She had no idea.
No clue that I was doing all of this without my person, their father, my husband, the one who said and promised and lived like he’d never leave us.

But there I was. Swelling with unmerciful anger toward her. Then at Shayne. Then at myself. Then at Chick Fil A. And that’s the thing about anger… it spreads quickly.
It latches onto anyone and everyone it can get its grip on. The blame game travels fast.

I hurried out of there as swiftly as I could yank the girls out of the play area and went home, not before I made a pretty uncharacteristically angry rant of a Facebook post.
I remember it knocking the wind right out of me and I just wanted someone to catch me, even if that meant my entire friends’ list reading about it.

I just kept thinking…
Shayne will never have the privilege of dating his daughters. His sweet heart won’t be here to show them how he treated me and an exceptional example of how they need to be treated.
Shayne will never do these things, these things that he lit up and gushed about and would gladly skip work for and we’d sit and talk about while eating dinner or watching TV. Our most genuinely happy conversations were spent talking and laughing about all the things we would get to do with the girls as they grew up. We joked about how they would be and he would always(!) get teary-eyed in these convos about his girls and I’d give him a reassuring hug. Like, yes, I know, it’s so much to hold onto on the inside. The joy, the heartbreak of time moving on, the pride. All of it. I know.
I won’t get to witness him experiencing any of it. Manifesting any of that joy he spoke.  These moments he lived for, talked about doing, and looked forward to.

The flyer triggered it.
My mind raced back to 6 days before he died. April 10, 2016.
We scraped together a surprise birthday party for our oldest, Audrey.
And it was his idea to take her on a date with him to Panera Bread so we could get our family over and set up the house for the big party reveal.
I will never forget the look on her face as she came back in from her Daddy Shayne date. And he was so calm, so full of pride and joy. They filled up on each other, and had that special time between them. And, thankfully, always will.

But I thought about that. Just that. And cried myself into a stupor that night. Being handed that flyer reminded me of everything in the future I was losing and not going to experience.
Witnessing the golden bond and relationship unfold of my husband, their Daddy, and his first baby girl. Something I had wished and hoped for since we found out we were having a girl, because she was exactly what he had hoped for.

It was that tiny moment, being handed a dumb flyer, that very small moment, that sucked the joy right out of me. Reminded me of every single moment now lost for him and for them.

I could never have been coaxed out of that anger to fathom what one year later would or could look like.

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One year from that moment… Audrey was her sweet Daddy Jessep’s date to that very same Chick Fil A Daddy/Daughter date night. And the following night, the youngest had him for her date at her preschool’s Daddy/Daughter dance.

I couldn’t believe that it was exactly one year later.
I look back and realize how far I have come, we have come, and really, can’t even believe it.
Shayne, not one to ever disappoint, even after death…  would still find a way to manifest all of that joy for me for the girls, in helping me keep my heart open long enough to find Jessep. A GOOD, courageous man.

Jessep is here.
And I am honored, so thankful, he now has the privilege to date our daughters.
And show them, how he loves and give that back to them, knowing they will take that with them the rest of their lives as to how they need to be treated in their relationships with males. I’ll teach them what I know…….. but their Daddy is the one who holds that key.

He has two sets of little girl eyes that are now watching how to be treated.
I hope, but also know, he doesn’t take that lightly.
More importantly, through everything… all of it….. he has chosen to be here for them, for all of us.
He has chosen this, chosen us, every day.
My gratitude can’t be contained.

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That’s heavy.
I can’t imagine what it must feel like to be a father of a son who lost his Mommy, who now has the responsibility to show up for two little girls and be the man in their lives.
Can you feel how heavy that is? Could you imagine the weights?
I wouldn’t begin to understand how his heart feels.
And I sit in awe of his patience and sense of urgency.

Its just something you would never be able to grasp until you have been given those shoes to slip on. Its so hard to explain the paradox of emotions, much less feel them sometimes.

I struggle with trying to parent the way I did before, and what is required of me now.

There’s just no going back to the way things were. Pivot, right. And while healing my own heart, I need to be mindful to give it all away, as much as I can, to each of them.
But I know, it all begins and ends with leading with love.
Unconditional, on time, thoughtful, intentional, kind love.

And my hope for Jessep is, I hope he really knows his heart was made for this. Made for these ladies. He needs them just as much as they need him. And I need his son’s love and grace just as much as he needs mine. To learn to love them and be loved by them, our greatest gift of all.

He hears about and reads so much of who Shayne is and was and I don’t think takes the time regularly to feel this for himself: JMag is exactly where he needs and is supposed to be for them, and all of us.
And every bit of Shayne would love him, and love him for it.

Looking at his face and seeing his joy, I know, Jessep was meant to do this and be here and wrap them up in his love.
And I thought Shayne’s heart grew 10 times the day Audrey was born, I watched Jessep’s grow the last few nights with the girls, too. It was miraculous.

Watching a man show up for his little girls.
Opening up a part of his heart he might not have ever been sure he had, or needed to discover. What that must have done to him…

For a 5-year-old little girl who’s Daddy was her very best friend, who felt the totality and attention of his love just 6 days before he died. For an even younger baby girl who’s first experience with a Daddy/Daughter date was with a man who isn’t her biological father but has willingly stepped in to call her his own. This was everything.
This was so big.
Does not make this an inch easier, but I know Shayne is watching these new relationships bloom and is rooting us all on, at total peace, knowing these hearts are, and will be, taken care of.

This is all a lot.
But we’re not stopping and haven’t stopped because it’s been too hard and gets hard watching over all of these needy, naive, confused, innocent hearts.
It’s not easy trying to soothe the pain and hurt but I revel at their persistence and bravery all.the.time.
I constantly think to myself, “They are so much braver than I will ever be.”

They just want to love us, we’re the ones who get stuck in our heads – at least I do – and think we can’t or won’t be able to love them as well or much as their parent who is now gone.
We get scared and stop ourselves because…. there really is nothing you can do to ease that ache of them missing their Daddy and Mommy. And no one will ever truly fill that sacred space in their hearts. That space is respectfully reserved.

But… we pour, pour, pour, and pour, anyway. Hoping someday, somehow, it will be enough. As parents, we keep pouring. Its just our job, our duty, to keep the well full. (And mindfully filling ours simultaneously).
And know, be confident, that none of them are void of any of our love and attention.

It may look to anyone tuning in periodically that the pendulum swings too far to the side of the girls or to his son at times, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. They have all received exactly what we have been capable of giving.
I take care of my babies the way I know how and have to give, that may not always be broadcasted. Placing priority in taking care of their bodies and minds. Wanting them to be healthy and kind humans.

We feel guilty at times about keeping all the attention level but there’s just never going to be perfection. I grew up in a family of 3 siblings and know this very well.
Anyone going through loss, much less children grieving the loss of someone important to their lives, requires a whole lot of love. It’s really all that is required.

We will never be enough if we keep thinking what we’re giving isn’t.

There’s no such thing as coming up short when you’re loving unconditionally. You will always get much more than you give. We’re continuing to love and ascend toward the light anyway. At the end of the day, it’s really all you can do.
Keep loving.

– caroline

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pivot

Even the most encouraging of encouragers sometimes goes rogue when needing to coach themselves. Most of the time the person who needs our advice/help/motivation/encouragement the most is the person looking wearily at us in the mirror.

Once upon a time I coached people, mostly women, of all walks of life and seasons of womanhood to better health. Woman after woman, I poured as much as I could to get them to believe in themselves. You can lead a horse to water, right…
The conversation with each of these women usually started out that they were tired of being so tired, and knew if they made lifestyle changes, they would feel better and in turn, most likely, look better. They never knew what the results would look or feel like. They just knew… if I change the way I eat, something is bound to happen. Hope pulled them into initiating the process.

Its typically a “line in the sand” moment for all of us. The “something’s gotta change around here” moment. We’ve all been there with something. Whether or not we succeeded in staying consistent with the process we used to get us out of our holes, we learned a thing or two about ourselves. We gained wisdom. That is worth it. I’d say… if you gained a new perspective, it’s a success.

The pain felt by remaining the same, doing what we’ve always done and getting that same result over and over, usually does not outweigh the pleasures of changing, attaining different results in your life.
However unknown those results would be.
We know what it feels like to remain unchanged, we’re living it, let’s see what happens when we stop a behavior, do something different and challenge our personal status quo.

One of my favorite quotes from Elizabeth Gilbert is, “I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting sick of their own bullshit.”

End.of.story.

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We sulk, then we get tired of the sound of our own tears and we get up and kick ass.
It’s almost always a “me vs me” moment.

I was listening to a live business conference broadcast on Facebook and realized how true it was of just my life. We must be flexible in our lives, just as we are in business. Whatever business we are in. Why?
People. People are ever-evolving.
Our circumstances influence our wisdom and emotions and insights and perceptions of the world. And those… well, they are constantly changing.
The most successful people in business (& I believe, too, in life), are the ones who pay attention to these patterns and trends, and when it’s time to make a change… they pivot.

Jessep and I have both gone through our own versions of bullshit stories, getting sick of them, and pivoting. His, with alcohol addiction and the consequences of living that lifestyle. Mine, postpartum weight gain and the self-image saga of being a new, young mother living in our “picture-perfect” age of social media but also, I’d add… not permitting the death of my husband to drag me down into the valley of Screwitville.

We got tired of knowing there was better and we weren’t living it …yet. That’s all.
First step in fixing our problems, not just the symptoms, is getting real with yourself and admitting… I’m rewriting this ending. Plot twist!

Well, I have recently been participating in negative self-talk.
This new relationship has brought up things I did not think I would take up issue with at this juncture, and reintroducing me to old insecurities I held even with Shayne.
Do I want to do what I have always done about them, or a different approach……..to get a different result?
It makes me realize, I am still me… and bring all my “me” to the table whether I am with Shayne or Jessep. I, really, have all the work to do on and inside of myself.
Of course I want a different result. I know better, so I need to do better.

I have had an on-going infection in my eyes and been battling it FOR MONTHS, intermittently, looking like a puffy-eyed Walking Dead zombie.
I can tuck it in, but if I was honest, it’s taken a little notch off my self-esteem, even though I can come across as the most confident baldy in the room. Its not entirely the case all day, every day. My face goes fifty shades of marinara real quick caught in a situation I wasn’t prepared for. Ask Jessep.
But that’s social for you.
As vulnerable as I am and want to be and don’t mind one bit being, I still can’t portray it all.

We can take comfort in all this knowing, no one is as confident or glossy or toothy as they appear to be. And the truth is, we all have rainy days, crooked backstories and ugliness we hide and keep filtered. It’s all good. I have plenty to hide about.
Whether you celebrate your cracks and imperfections or you’re a stream of highlight reel, we are all just doing our best with what we have and who we are.
The majority puts their best selfies forward.
As much as I know in my gut, aesthetics is all trivial in the grand scheme of life, I get human about it, too. My hair, my bloated belly, my teeth, my puffy, swollen eyes, my awkwardness on video. I can get really out of bounds in my self-talk about it.
And wish someone would come save me.

But that’s a crock. No one saves you from yourself. You decide.

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So, I will take my moment. And have my tantrum about my irritated eyes while these prescribed drops kick in. And all the while think there’s no way Jessep can handle one more day of being with me, the bald and bloated swamp thing.
Tough love is good for my soul, and he said to me, “Tell whatever is going on in your brain to shut the f*$k up.” Noted.
I will take my moment and sulk and temporarily resort to old habits that momentarily make me feel good but I know aren’t getting me closer to feeling great about me 6 months from now. And then, pivot.

I know in my heart of hearts I am a pivoter. I love the ebb and flow. I know what it takes to make big changes, quickly.
I know what its like to transform my mindset and health and life in the matter of months. And I know all it takes is a split second decision to choose the joy of the unknown, staying curious, and letting the joy in not knowing what’s to come guide. Possibility.
And choosing that joy over and over and over, one day, one choice at a time.
And before you know it, you’ve transformed your life as you knew it.

If you’re like me and in a simmering season of tuning in to what your mind and body are asking for, make this time different. Have the wisdom to sit still and listen. Knowing, you won’t be here forever.
We are all in a constant, evolving season of becoming. Becoming who we are meant to be.
All of this is valuable information on our journeys to becoming better.

 

 

-caroline

rituals

From the outside looking in I may not be the most consistent, but I sure am curious. And I definitely allow that to lead me, especially when it has come to my health and body and lifestyle.
Since it’s the beginning of the year I decided to take a chance on a creepy Facebook ad that popped up after saying something to Jessep about having more vitamins in my life. Facebook is getting weird, y’all.
I yell into my phone, like I am talking to them, so they show me specific things.
It works. It’s weird.

I drank Shakeology every.day for nearly three years – loved the way I felt and I got some abs out of it. I lost nearly 30 pounds in 3 months thanks to hitting it hard.
Full disclosure, I was a very active, business-building Beachbody coach from 2014 – beginning of 2017, after all, and while I did want others to feel the benefits of adding supplementation to their daily ritual, I really did feel amazing and healthy.
I am no longer coaching, but I had a phenomenal experience with not only coaching others but connecting with now some of my very best friends and working on myself – inside and out.
I’ll risk getting my hand smacked by the coach crowd, but I have a back stock of about 3 months worth so I obviously dropped the ball on my daily habit.
I backslid hardddd on my healthy habits after Shayne died and just never caught back up to making it a non-negotiable.
No blame game, I am a big advocate, with anything, if it’s priority – you’ll always find a way.

Since the summer, I have also been flirting with the drinking ketones kraze.
I didn’t do it for weight loss, just to enhance my human performance.
Hasn’t stuck.
I don’t necessarily feel like a energy-efficient unicorn. And don’t really want to ante up the $100+ every month for only a partial month’s servings.
It’s great, I enjoy them, I’m not selling it and don’t care enough about it at the moment to make it my end-all and shove everything else aside.
I am probably the worst to give reviews on this stuff come to think of it…
I’m a I-can-take-it-or-leave-it type. I get too curious about things.
My mindset shifts, my priorities change, I’m ever-evolving, I seek balance, I like trying new.

All that, are all well and good and great, grand, wonderful if it is working wonders for you. I am over here cheering you on if you’ve found the fountain of health, but I am also over here just like, ‘Can I just get a simple vitamin and drink a shit ton of water and yoga. Can that be okay? Can that be enough?’ Ok? Ok.
So.

Instead of shelling out $100+, I am trying this out.
$30. For a month’s supply, free shipping.
Sure, Facebook creepy ad, I’ll give it a whirl.

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I actually went to their site, did some reading, did some Googling, did LOTS of stalking on their Facebook page in the comments section and that’s what sold me. A company with an attitude of abundance are my kinda folks.
It’s kinda what happened when I started wearing the THINX panties (they’re AMAZING. Curious? check ’em out: HERE).
My formula: Curious + Purchased = Love them.

Give me one month and I can be back with an unbiased-I-am-not-selling-this-stuff review.

Ladies, if you want to try them out for HALF OFF (whaaaaat. I paid full price for mine and you get a freakin’ coupon for 50% off), here’s a code: Ritual $15.
It’s a flexible subscription sign-up. The website is easy to navigate and you can delay or shut off your auto-subscript. any time. Easy peasy.
I wouldn’t recommend it otherwise. I need lemon squeezy.

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What’s your priority with your health this year? Have you set any intentions or found any solutions? I find the best thing, for me, is talk to a friend – (or apparently, speak my needs right into Facebook) – who’s results (mental and physical) are the ones you’re after and go find out what they’re doing.
Hopefully they have an attitude of abundance and will share their secrets!

(If you do look into these vits, let us know!)

joy&health,

caroline

here we are!

We took a moment and got both of our bald heads on camera to talk through some thoughts and shares and give a little insight into our vision with The Secret Ingredient.

(If you do get through till the end, you’ll catch a glimpse of JMag dancing. He’s really good at it!)

If you feel inspired, or find value in here somewhere and want to follow along –
connect with us on our socials:
Facebook: The Secret Ingredient 30A on Facebook
We’re sharing on Instagram, too!: The Secret Ingredient 30A on Instagram

If you connect with us, let us know!


Thank you, always!, for joining us and supporting us and our pursuit in this life!
Our gratitude is fueling this project.

– caroline & jmag

the desire map – free download

Just a quick and friendly share, friends.☺️
Saw this in my scroll this morning and wanted to pass along!

I have been consistently participating in my own personal development for nearly 4 years. As a previous online health and wellness coach, it was part of my job description and responsibility to keep my mindset fine tuned.
So, I read. And read. And keep reading.
This 20-minutes-a-day habit helped me more than I could have ever known, and it would eventually help tremendously after my husband died.
It has kept my mindset tucked in the right place.💛🌟

A dear friend of mine visited me my first year here at the beach and brought this with her.
She was working on it and told me, when I was ready, to buy it. She’s the kind of gal friend I take recommendations seriously!

I took her advice and started it last year and have read and steadily worked through THE DESIRE MAP by Danielle LaPorte —- this book comes HIGHLY RECOMMENDED for those, like me, who may be at a point in their life where they are just tired (& burnt out & bored) with what can sound like shallow “#GOALS” talk.
Enooooough. Its not trending with me anymore.😶

I just wanted to know what the Hell I was supposed to even be doing. Where would all these goals I was creating, if any, lead me!?
I needed a guide back to my true north. A way to ease myself back into thinking toward the future again without Shayne.
This book helped me do that.
I carved out time, even if only 20 minutes, sat outside on my porch with my coffee and succulents and mapped my desires. Which eventually led me to create a “desire board” that is now one of our focal points in our bedroom. We’ll share those later!

How can I set goals when I haven’t even gotten in touch with my true desires?
Are YOU still trying to figure out what your true intentions or purpose is?

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This, then, is definitely your book/workbook for Q1 of 2018…
its guided intention setting.
It has challenged me, and also affirmed what I have been feeling in regard to this widespread panic to be in constant pursuit of setting and crushing GOALS.

I’m setting and acting with intention, not just chasing the next benchmark, but a life I feel good living.

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This link: DESIRE MAP DIGITAL BUNDLE she shared takes you to the free digital versions.

However…

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If you’re like me, and a pen to paper person with a workbook (upon reading the first half of the book, the second half is fill-in-the-blank prompts and it is your turn to “work through it” & WRITE/BRAINSTORM/JOURNAL), this is where I got mine (looks like they’re on sale!):
https://tinyurl.com/godesiremap

EnJOY!💛🌟☀️

 

– caroline

hair today, gone tomorrow

New year, same perspective, with open minds and hearts to what this trip around the sun will bring! Happy new beginnings!

It was Jessep who posted this gif on his page, I took my screen shot and felt satisfied with what the universe tuned in for me. I had no intentions of buzzing my hair off when I took this, I really haven’t given it much thought recently at all! But, as the image says… I can’t wonder… I would be manifesting this in the days to come!

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I have been half-joking about shaving my head since after my oldest was born.
I would make remarks at myself in the bathroom mirror in earshot of Shayne, “Ugggghhhhh, I wanna shave my head.”
Or, this one, “If I shaved my head would you still love me?”
He would always, always say, “Yes, but I don’t want you to.”
Or when I would ask him if I could use his clippers to shave my head, he’d laugh, but refuse to let me entertain the idea. He was trying to protect me from myself. I think even then I knew I wasn’t ready and he knew that, too. I have to know somehow he knew someday I would, but… it definitely wasn’t happening with his clippers.

Truth is, I’ve never been attached to my hair. Ever. It’s never been the part of me I have loved or hid behind or felt was defining my femininity. I have never been the chick with “great hair.” It’s fine, and thin, and straight as a board. For the better part of my adult life its been short, and gotten shorter and finally I had it chopped all off into a pixie a few years ago. I’m grateful for it, but I have never defined my beauty – or sexuality – with my hair. I’ve embraced what it is and my focus went elsewhere.

So here we are!
New year, let’s finally do what I have been wanting to for years. #2 it!

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I was cooking up dinner and said out loud with a drag to JMag, “I wanna shave my head. I’m tired of my hairrrrrrr.”
With zero hesitation, “Alright, when? I’ll do it.”

I had to put up or shut up. Finally, I was being given the path of no resistance to do what I have secretly really wanted to do! After mulling it over for a few minutes, thinking over the “consequences” and perusing Pinterest of bald women beauties, and a few text messages to my inner circle who I knew would push me with support… I shot up and said, “Alright, lets do it.” And he followed me into the bathroom and plugged in the clippers.

I am reading a book called, “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment And How it Can Help You Find – And Keep – Love” by Levine & Heller. (I believe wholeheartedly, if you are a widow and had it with “grief” books and want to get technical… this is it, this is for you, a mind-opening read).
In it they describe adult attachment styles as they pertain to relationships.
In their findings from conducting research and experiments, finding someone – a mate – is a biological, innate predisposition for all of us. And once we do, right down to our physiology changes. Our blood pressure, heartbeat, all of it becomes in sync with this person being close to us, near us, and we begin to equate feeling intimacy with this person with safety. When we feel safe with someone, what can we do? A lot! Dream with them. Set goals with them.
Do otherwise scary things with our partner because we know, deep deep down, they will not forsake us.

That’s how I know this person is my person.
There’s a calming effect. A sigh of relief that the scary things aren’t really at all so scary. And the added perspective that I have lost a great deal in my life in the last 2 years, chopping of my hair in the grand scheme of what I have experienced is truly, small potatoes.

I felt a heavy panicked pang of fear right as he turned the clippers on. Like, a real sense of holy shit. But I said out loud to him, “If I didn’t fear what people thought, I would do it.”

Afterward, he nudged me to write about it.

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That’s what I want to do. Feel the fear and do it anyway. That’s what I want the rest of my life to be about. All these things I have always wanted to do, I don’t need to fear them anymore.

Because no one’s opinion (or disdain or confusion) about what and how and why I do things gives me an ounce of validation or permission to be secure in my version of happy in this life.
And, after all, it’s hair. It’s hair. My face is the same. It’s.just.hair. It’s miraculous because…. it grows back!
It’s not some grandiose act of rebellion, or crisis, or feminism. Its from me to me.
I am so much more than short, platinum blonde hair. I was before I bleached it May 2016. Still am now that it’s in a ziplock bag and I am looking more Sinead than Gwen Stefani.
It’s a harmless exercise in owning my body and my life. No harm to my body, my family or any one thing was done. I am still here, still alive and going to live the way I want, look the way I want, before someone decides my time is up, which can be any given day.

I am not ignorant to the fact that I may be challenging someone’s belief that a woman of my age with small children should look a certain way – not mine, but at the end of a long day… its my noggin’ that hits my comfy pillow. Its me. And mine. And its not up to anyone else how that pillow on my now soft, fuzzy bald head feels.
I have done a lot of changing the last 5 years and gone through enough evolution in my health, body and hair to know this: if someone is changing, or has done something that is improving their sense of self or clearly making them feel GOOD and feeling full of life, no reason for anything but support. They’re expressing their confidence with living this life fully. That is an awesome privilege of still having a beating heart.

My perspective is, plenty of amazing people are gone too soon that don’t get to experience anymore moments of feeling their own courage.
They are gone too soon and don’t get to do harmless, empowering things that make them learn a lesson either about themselves or the world or the thing.
People are gone too soon who never truly had the opportunity to feel their fears and just do it anyway.

And how lucky am I that when I initially messaged a few of my inner circle, I was immediately met with high-fives and encouragement. Because that’s what secure, loving people do. They push on you to pursue your happiness.
How lucky am I that I have found my person that let’s me run at full tilt, scared and fearing, letting me find out what I am made of. Secure in himself, and our relationship, to let me wander through these moments of, “Can I?” “Should I?” And says, “Yes!” and pushes me out onto the ledge.
Find your person that unlocks the gate for you and swings it wide open. Love grows there. Respect grows there. You will always receive what you have given.

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New year, but I’m still me, sure with a new ‘do, but already a little more perspective than I had yesterday. My heart still beats the same but I do have bigger love for my support system and JMag. And less attachment to a belief system that tells me I need to look a certain way or behave a certain way in order to have a good life.
I’ve given up a lot of control of what my life should look like, and on full course to embrace it for everything that it is. True happiness.
Loving EVERY crazy minute… a turn of the page in the calendar year wasn’t going to change that.

If you didn’t fear what people thought of you, what would you do? Go do that. It’s empowerment personified. Let that fear fall away, let that shit go!

– caroline